A/S/L? Me Too!! Part III

The drive to Maine was a long one. Colorful as well. It was October 2001 and I had just been let go from my tech job in NYC. The company wasn't like most and offered me a nice incentive to stay and train my overseas replacement. They also allowed me to take home my work equipment, which included a 24" SONY CRT. Who cared that it weighed close to 250 pounds, that sucker was mine!!

I knew it was cooler around these parts so I dressed appropriately and had some sweatshirts, flannel shirts and corduroys for good measure. I only had my sneakers on, but was hoping to hit a Lands End outlet for some waterproof boots. I had no idea how the meet would go but if I could do some Holiday shopping and get a new wardrobe, then the 11 hour ride would be worth it. Sort of.

So there I am on a road just off of 295 minding my own business, my cd player cranking out Ice Ice Baby, when I notice the flashing lights behind me. I couldn't tell you how long they were behind me, as I was on cruise control and keeping an eye out for a stray deer looking to cross the road. Though it was only 4 PM, there wasn't another car out on the road. Save for the state trooper.
I pull over, turn my hazards on, roll my window down, shut the engine off and put my keys on top of the car roof. My hands are at the 10-2 position and I'm looking forward, waiting for the inevitable. My thoughts/self ramblings in bold & italicized.

Howdy.
Afternoon, Oficer.
Where you headed so fast there, fella?
Uh, the Lands End outlet off of 15, Sir. And I wasn't going that fast.
What's the matter, they don't have Lands End outlets down in New "Yawk"?
I've only ordered Lands End through their catalogs, Sir. Thought it might be nice to get to an actual store.
Did you now? So you decided to take a 12 hour trip just to go to a Lands End store, is that it?
Sort of, Sir.
Sort of? What do you mean sort of?
I'm also up here to meet a friend. And by friend I mean cyber partner/phone sex partner/webcam partner.
Oh, are you late? Because I had you clocked at 77 in a 55 mph zone.
No Sir, I'm not late. Are you sure about that radar reading because I was on cruise control but nowhere near 77.
Tell you what, let me see your license, registration and insurance, and see if there's something wrong with my radar setup. Yeah, you go do that

I hand over my paperwork and wait. And wait.

And wait some more.

35 minutes later another trooper car, this time with 2 troopers in it, pulls up. At this point, my mind is racing - I'm going to get the crap beat out of me, they're gonna plant drugs/weapons in my car, I am not leaving Maine in one piece. The more absurd the scenario I could come up with, the more likely I thought it was going to happen.

The first trooper gets out of his car and motions to the other driver. They both appear on my side.

You're paperwork appears to be in order today.
Thank you Sir. As I knew it would be.
And you're right, my radar equipment does seem to be off today. You weren't doing 77 afterall. Oh thank goodness. With it recalibrated, you were actually clocked at 87. WTF!!!

At this point, I'm just hoping that the cell I get thrown into, has toilet paper.

Sir, as you can see I'm in a '91 Plymouth Acclaim. I doubt it's seen 87 mph in a very long time. I hope my last ditch effort works.
Yeah, you're probably right about that. Unlock your doors please. What?!! Sir, unlock your doors please. OH SHIT!!
*doors unlocked*
Okay, here's your license, insurance and registration. I'm going to let you off with a warning today, and that warning is, do right by my cousin, for if you do not, I will know about it and I promise you I will pull you over before you cross the state line and it will not be pretty.
Now get out of here before I change my mind. And if you hurry, but do not speed, you should be able to make the Lands End outlet before they close.

He grabs my keys off the roof, hands them to me, and has this big shit eatin grin on his face. That's when I notice the other officer stifling a smile and laugh. I see the third trooper get out of the car, grab a duffel bag from the trunk, walk over to my passenger side, open the door and have a seat next to me.

Hey PhoneFun. It's me. PrincessPhreak.